Overwhelm – Why it Happens and How to Deal with it

Do you find it all goes wrong at once?

Do you find it all goes wrong at once?

“Why me?” you shout loudly inside your own head. “Why am I in this mess and why is everything happening all at once?”

They are good questions, but do you stop your brain from whirring around in circles like a hamster wheel long enough to answer them?

Some people have a great relationship with themselves, while others don’t. Now that might sound really bizarre, but let me elaborate.

Firstly, you may be relieved to know that it’s quite normal to feel overwhelmed, especially with the pace of our modern world and the often unreasonable expectations that we allow society to place on us sometimes.

I find many of my coaching clients start off by engaging my services because they are simply swamped with everything that’s going on in their world. A lot of this is because they are unwittingly lumping all of their problems together as if it was one massive, all-consuming and life-threatening blob. I understand– I’ve been there myself.

Stress head

 

Part of why people struggle to deal with this tsunami of anxiety is that they haven’t learned how to ask themselves better questions. Another factor is that most people simply don’t think, and by that I mean that they don’t step back away from their crazy life and review it as if they had temporarily stepped outside of themselves. That’s one advantage I have straight away as their coach – I’m not them, so I can perceive it differently.

 

So let’s go back to the question of your relationship with yourself. Here are a few key questions:

  • Have you ever taken the time to reflect on who you are?
  • Have you thought about your own strengths and weaknesses?
  • Have you asked yourself ‘What are my core values?’
  • What do you like about yourself?
  • What do you dislike about yourself?

There are many more I could ask you, but that’s enough for now to make the point. The better you know yourself, the more resilient you become. That immediately means that you increase your ability to cope with stress and adversity, including a sense of overwhelm. It’s like putting on a life-jacket and sailing over the top of that tsunami I mentioned.

So part of dealing with overwhelm is realising that you CAN. Recognising your own capacity for having competently handled previous situations builds your confidence for dealing with this latest blob of yukky stuff.

Secondly, I’ll go back to an old tried and trusted question – “How do you eat an elephant?” Don’t worry I’m not actually proposing that you do! The answer though if you were to undertake that task, would be “A mouthful at a time”.

In other words, the reason you are often overwhelmed is that you are looking at ‘everything’ as one monstrous problem, when you’d be better served by breaking it down into bite-sized morsels. If you’re a visual person or a kinaesthetic learner (more attuned to feelings than images), write down your problem on a big piece of paper, then separate it out into smaller problems, even tearing off the separate pieces and moving them around on a table. If you’re a person who learns through audio, speak these problems out loud and ask yourself (and answer) the full range of five ‘W’’s and one ‘H’ question:

Who? What? Why? When? Where? And How?

Now here’s the secret gem that you deserve for having read my post today. Ask yourself this:

“What would be a better question?”

The key here is to separate the ‘problem’ into smaller ‘problems’, then examine them in turn to see what can be done about them.

Here’s another nugget – If they still seem like problems, ask yourself:

‘What lesson or lessons is the Universe trying to teach me here?’ and ‘How could this be seen as an opportunity?’

Going through those processes doesn’t always make the problems disappear, but it certainly helps you to look at them differently and perhaps to seek alternative resources. In the best examples, you can turn them around completely and wonder why you ever felt overwhelmed in the first place.

One family I started working with a while ago were in complete turmoil. They were trying to build their business but it seemed to be going wrong. They felt as if they didn’t really know how to run their business. They had staff who were not really the right people for the job. They were in the middle of renovating their home, whilst living in it, so they had builders and tradies coming and going. They had two very young children – you know how demanding that alone can be. They were battling and feeling chaotically swamped.

Do you see the glass as half-full or completely full?When I started asking them about their aspirations for the business, I continued to ask how that business would fit in the overall context of their lives. I asked them what was on their ‘bucket list?’ They answered with, “We don’t like to think about those things because we know we’ll probably never make them happen!”

Long story short, we separated the issues. We figured out a long-term and exit strategy, re-branded their business, recruited a new team, identified and worked on their skill-sets and rebuilt their self-confidence. Today they are way ahead of that dark day. They now have a swimming pool and play areas in their back yard for their children. They are taking holidays with their family and their business is in far better shape.

It starts with asking yourself better questions, like changing “Why can’t we have that lifestyle?” to “How could we make that happen?”

If you need any help with it, feel free to contact me via this website for a chat or call  0419 860 382. 

 

 

 

The ‘Ahaa’ moments that make you wonder why you don’t listen to yourself!

The 'Ahaa' Moments

The ‘Ahaa’ Moments

Have you ever had the experience of having one of those ‘Ahaaaa’ moments while you ponder how to solve your problems, only to realise that you already knew that answer?

The funny thing is that you perhaps knew it on a sub-conscious level, yet somehow your conscious mind seemed to suppress it or cloud it in a veil of mysterious brain fog. Why does that happen?

Sometimes it can be a case of what Steve Jobs referred to as ‘connecting the dots’. In other words, all the information that was required to reach the conclusion was already there, yet somehow there was a missing link from one snippet to the next – you just needed to make that connection.

What came up today at a workshop I attended was that you might know the answer but you apparently suppress it, because in order to enjoy the gain of achieving that goal or dealing with that problem, you also have to be willing to give up something else.

In some instances you would be giving up something that you didn’t want anyway, so that is a much more palatable option. For example you buy the new car and are glad to get rid of the old rust-bucket.

Inner conflict

Inner conflict

In other instances though you would have to be willing to give up something positive, something that you might miss. For example, in order to buy that dream home that might be modern and stylish, you would also have to give up the old fashioned but comfortable residence that has been your beloved retreat for many years. This can then create an inner conflict and while you’re having an inner conflict, guess what happens?

Usually, not much happens. It’s not that surprising when we remember the way our mind (and the Universe) works. When we set a goal and focus on our desired outcome, we bring to bear the power of our reticular activating system (RAS). This amazing inner resource sets in motion a mental magnetism (the Law of Attraction) that attracts to you all the resources you need to achieve your goal. The resources can be skills, knowledge, equipment, tools or people – whatever you need to ‘make it happen’.

If you want an example of a RAS effect, consider the process of buying a car. You set the goal to buy a new one; you start to fine tune which make and model are appealing. Suddenly that car is everywhere on the roads and in every car yard you drive past. Then out of the blue, there is the very car you want at the price you are willing to pay. Sometimes it is found for you by a friend or a salesman you have come across. In other words, the resources to lead you to the goal have appeared. Those cars were always there – you just weren’t looking for them before.

Goal-setting - a piece of cake?

Goal-setting – a piece of cake?

The setting of a goal not only activates the RAS though, it also usually sends you a little test from the Universe. On Saturday you set a goal to diet and lose weight. No sooner have you set the goal, than on Sunday your next door neighbour knocks on your door and says, “Someone just gave me this double chocolate cream cake and we won’t eat it. Would you like it?” It happens to be your favourite, so you say, “Okay, thanks. We’ll just use that up first and start the diet on Tuesday”. On Tuesday, you visit your mother and she says, “I’ve made you your favourite – a big chocolate pudding.”

 

Whenever you set a goal, the Universe likes to test you out to see if you were actually serious about following through with it!

So what else would stop you from having your ‘Ahaaa’ moment?

You might just suppress the answers because you realise that to make the changes you say you want in your life would require that you step outside your comfort zones. Motivational author and speaker Jim Rohn used to say that “The things that are easy to do are also easy not to!”

The comfort zone blockage might not just be a case of ‘easy to’ versus ‘easy not-to’. It can also be the case that to step outside your comfort zone will lead to another conflict or with having to deal with something painful. For example, emigrating to a new country to take up a new opportunity might mean leaving a partner or a family member behind.

Thus what often happens is that we freeze. We become stuck, confused, frustrated or even angry.

There is however, hope. Working with a sounding board, such as a good coach, can allow you to step back from the problem or break down an apparent problem into what might potentially be many smaller elements, requiring smaller, simpler decisions.

Find the time and space to THINK

Find the time and space to THINK

The biggest thing you can do to help yourself is to allocate the time and space for you to be able to think. Most people simply ‘don’t think’. They become stuck on a treadwheel and keep on repeating the pattern that isn’t working, instead of doing something to change it. Alternatively, worse still, is that they do nothing. They justify their indecision and inaction by blaming circumstances or other people, or they just put it off and they will make a decision ‘later’.

So I urge you to consider this…

If you want to design and live the best life you can, don’t hold on to those problems or they will become like pebbles in your shoes. Create some ‘me’ time – that’s time invested in yourself; time that will enable you to reflect on what you really want versus where you are presently stuck. Seek out the resources you need. Figure out what the price will be, both the physical price and the emotional price. If there’s a conflict, get advice and consider your options, but whatever you do, act in accordance with your values.

If you don’t know what your values are yet, then you really do need to create more personal time for ‘YOU’ because ‘YOU’ are your own greatest asset. That’s another story, but until then, ‘Be happy and work on developing and listening to your own intuition.’

Tony Inman listens, solves problems and provides answers!

Shawn Whitby

Shawn Whitby

Tony and I first met under water SCUBA Diving in 2003.

During the last 10 years I have known Tony In a business and personal manner and would highlight his ability to project calmness and clarity on any given situation.

Tony has managed and been involved in a varied array of business resulting in financial success.

Tony stands out from other professionals with his demonstrated ability to listen, problem solve and provide answers based on his life experience.

 

Shawn Whitby
Paramedic 
St John Ambulance

 

Tony Inman Cray Diving

Tony Inman

Tony’s Response:

Thanks Shawn. Your kind words are greatly appreciated and valued.
Cheers,
Tony
*Shawn was one of my diving instructors as he mentioned and is a shining example of a person who cares for others under duress and extreme circumstances. I have absolute admiration for anyone who can deal with life-threatening emergencies in a calm and professional manner. The amount of study involved in that profession too would deter many lesser people. Keep up the great work, Shawn 🙂

An Astute Coach and Mentor

Lune Lim, Director of Aspire Developments

Lune Lim, Director of Aspire Developments

“Tony is not only an astute coach and mentor, but possesses an exceptional ability to uncover the hidden issues underlying real problems.

His charisma and charm are tantamount to being a true leader, anyone who has a chance to experience working with Tony should grab it!”

 

Lune Lim

Director of Aspire Developments

 

 

Tony’s Thoughts:

“Thank you Lune. I am sincerely honored and flattered to receive such an accolade from someone who was achieved so much success so early in life.
For those who don’t know, Lune has published several magazines through the Aspire Media Group. In addition, he is the Strategic Executive Officer of the Shaye Paper Products company and is the Director of Aspire Developments, overseeing leading coaching and consultancy businesses, based in Sydney.
I was fortunate enough to work on several assignments with Lune in Sydney and Melbourne and I am delighted to be able to consider him as one of my friends and professional associates over there on the ‘Dark Side’ of Australia!”

“Tony has been a fantastic sounding board…” – Juan Rando, Perth

Juan Rando, Owner - Juan Rando Dance Academy

Juan Rando, Owner – Juan Rando Dance Academy

“Although I have a successful business, I felt overwhelmed when my partnership broke up.

Tony has been a fantastic sounding board and has helped me rebuild my focus, enthusiasm, vision and profitability.”

Juan Rando, – Owner, Juan Rando Dance Academy

 

Juan operates Perth’s premier dance academy in Subiaco, Western Australia.

If you have been thinking about learning to dance JRDA caters for all levels, from those wishing to simply have fun, meet people and improve their fitness (and their sex life!) right through to aspiring professional dancers and instructors.

Check out his website at: http://www.jrda.com.au/

 

JRDA provides classes in various styles too:

“My Business Had Fallen Apart & My Private Life Was In Tatters…” – Kel Shipton, Perth WA

Kel Shipton

Kel Shipton – Owner of The Happy Herb Shop, Midland WA

‘I came across Tony just after January this year when my business had fallen apart and my private life was in tatters.

Fortunately, another friend put me in touch with Tony and it proved to be a Godsend.

He’s inspirational and the foresight that the guy gave me enabled me to push through what I was doing.

The fact that I’d got somebody there that has been through it all, that had walked the same path made a big difference and actually gave me the confidence to be able to push on, which I’ve done!

So thank you Tony.

Thanks for all your help and I’ll be dealing with you again one day in the future.

Cheers mate!’

Kel Shipton

Franchisee – The Happy Herb Shop, Midland

“A Trustworthy and Committed Professional…” – Kim Jewell, Queensland, Australia

Kim Jewell -Owner, Inner Stillness-Integrative Wellness Practice

Kim Jewell -Owner, Inner Stillness-Integrative Wellness Practice

“I met Tony (Inman) when we were both receiving our Certification as NLP Trainers in Sydney.

During the course we often had to work together in teams to help refine our ability to present on the topic in front of groups.

Tony is a conscientious and charismatic leader and speaker with great compassion for and interest in, his fellow teammates.

I have kept in touch with Tony since the course and I would highly recommend him as a trustworthy and committed professional, whom I am certain would go above and beyond to help his clients.”

 

Kim Jewell

Owner, Inner Stillness-Integrative Wellness Practice

If you would like to claim a free discovery session (valued at $150), call today on (08) 9328 2203 or contact Tony Inman- click here

A Test of Character

When the unthinkable happens and things go about as wrong as they possibly could, how do you react?

Well, see how this pilot reacted when his wing literally fell off!

I gained my pilot’s licence when I was 19, so I’ve seen some great pilots over the years, but that has to be the most amazing piece of flying I have ever seen!

This has a great lesson in it though, – when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade!

If you’d like to have a chat about whether you have the wind beneath your wings, or whether you’re figuratively flying without a rudder, why not claim a free discovery session (valued at $150), call today on (08) 9328 2203 or contact Tony Inman- click here

“A Great Guy with a Genuine Love of Life and Humanity” – Bernie Krokzec, Perth WA

 

Bernie Kroczek

Bernie Kroczek recommends Tony Inman

Tony Inman is a guy who has no limits.

I’m amazed at some of the things he does, like running in the City to Surf, still playing soccer at 50+, diving, travelling to exotic places and now business and personal coaching.

He is prepared to travel all over the country for training and to improve his knowledge and, most importantly his willingness to share is quite rare in the modern world.

Above all else Tony is a great guy with a genuine love of life and humanity.

Having initially met in a business relationship, I now count him as a genuine friend.

He is also a Man U supporter so that says something about his impeccable taste for fine things.”

 

Bernie Kroczek – Proprietor of Bernie Croczek Real Estate

 

If you would like to claim a free discovery session (valued at $150), call today on (08) 9328 2203 or contact Tony Inman- click here

The Shoe Salesman in Africa

 

A Shoe Salesman in Africa

The Shoe Salesman in Africa

It’s all about perspective…

There’s a timeless story about a shoe salesman, whose Company one day decided to give him a new opportunity. They sent him to Africa to launch their new product range.

He was very excited to have been chosen for such a promotion, but within a week of arrival, he was on the phone to his boss back home, sounding very dejected and disheartened,

“Boss, I’m sorry, but you may as well bring me back home. This is a complete waste of my time and the Company’s money. No-one wears shoes in Africa!”

The boss agreed to let him come home, as he didn’t want unhappy staff.

He decided however, to give another of his salesman a try instead.

Within a week, the second shoe salesman was on the phone to his boss, barely able to contain his excitement!

“Boss, this is amazing! Quick – send me more shoes! Give me everything you’ve got – no-one wears shoes in Africa!

Tony Inman Tony’s View:

The moral of the story is that we can all choose how we look at things in life. Some of us get bogged down in the problems and the obstacles. The go-getters see only the opportunity and the prize. It’s never too late to change your personal filters!

 

 

On a positive ‘foonote’, whilst looking for a photo for this post, I found a heartening story from Shannon Cook of CNN:

 

 

Blake Mycoskie asks "What's afoot?"

Blake Mycoskie asks “What’s afoot?”

 

 

Step into Blake Mycoskie’s shoes for a day, and you might wind up feeling enlightened. Not just because the shoes he wears are incredibly lightweight, but because they transport him to regions of the globe where footwear is a rare, precious commodity.

 

So what are these magical slippers? They’re called TOMS, and they’re the foundation of Mycoskie’s one-for-one business principle: for every pair of TOMS sold, the 32-year-old gives a pair to a child in need.

The idea came to Mycoskie — who calls himself a “serial entrepreneur” whose first company was a laundry business he started in college — while he was vacationing in Argentina. He says he was overwhelmed by the sight of children living without shoes. But instead of simply starting a charity, he decided he could better serve by launching a for-profit business.

 

Tony’s Take-away: Look at ways of helping others and you will simultaneously help yourself.